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The Value of Life Review

3/8/2017

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We all want to make sense of our lives, but in no one is this urge stronger than an older adult. When we are young, we focus on uncovering our dreams and working hard to make those dreams come true. When we are older, we focus on our memories, making sense of them, asking ourselves if we led a good life, if our life had significance and meaning.

​My instincts tell me that the process of reviewing one’s life matters deeply and that everyone does it, whether consciously or unconsciously. I wanted to learn more so I’ve been reading a lot about the value of life review. ​
I’ve discovered that scientists have been studying this topic for a long time, and their findings are compelling. The research of psychiatrists, psychologists, and social scientists consistently shows an increase in life satisfaction and psychological well-being in those older adults who participate in some form of life review, whether it is telling their life story to another person or spending time alone reflecting and writing about their life.
Dr. Robert Butler (1927 – 2010), a world-renowned gerontologist and psychiatrist, was one of the first physicians to write about the life review process, a process he defined as “the tendency of older people towards self-reflection.” (1) He determined that as we age, we naturally gravitate towards this process, with the goal of giving meaning to our lives. By ​remembering and reflecting on the past, the life review process fosters understanding and allows us to come to peace with the past and the present.
According to Barbara Haight, Professor Emeritus and past Director of the graduate program in Gerontological Nursing at the Medical University of South Carolina, “In life review, you put things in their proper place. If you don’t do it on your own, you will have a feeling of loss rather than accomplishment because you have not put a value on your life.” (2)
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I recently watched a powerful TEDx talk by Susan Bosak, a social researcher and educator who founded the Legacy Project, an independent organization focused on connecting generations and helping us look at our lives and our world in a multi-generational context. 
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In her talk, she says, “Your legacy is the most powerful part of you. It is the part that matters. It is the part that will last. Why do we throw that away? We need to own it consciously and nurture it actively. The power of legacy on an individual level is that we can draw on the past and the present to touch an infinite future with our finite lives.”
When I reflect on what my first client had to say about the process of working with me to create her memoir, I see how perfectly her response fits with what I’ve learned about the value of life review. She said, “The experience of looking back over my life was profound. Telling my story out loud, then having a skilled writer turn it into a coherent narrative, has been an amazing experience. I can see in the written pages and photographs from my life a kind of sense and structure that is vastly comforting.”
Whether an older adult captures their life story in a book, a video, an audio recording, or simply talks about their life to someone who will listen deeply, the act of going through the life review process can make a powerful difference in their understanding of themselves, their past, and their legacy.
There is no greater agony ​than
​bearing an untold story inside you.
​~Maya Angelou
(1) Aging and Mental Health, by Robert N. Butler and Myrna I. Lewis
(2)  
LA Times
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Family History - Some Surprising Research

1/30/2017

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When life hits you hard, how do you respond? It depends, right? It depends on the situation, the circumstances, the context. But in general … when things get rough, what is your typical reaction? ​
You may be surprised to learn (as I was) that one important contributor to our resilience and our ability to ride the ups and downs of life is our knowledge of our family's story. I first read about this claim and the research that backs it up in a 2013 New York Times article by Bruce Feiler. The article, titled "The Stories That Bind Us," discusses the groundbreaking research of Dr. Marshall Duke, a psychologist at Emory University in Atlanta.
In the late 1990s, Dr. Duke began developing a hypothesis based on earlier research of his own as well as observations from other psychologists. He sensed that there was a connection between how much a person knows about their family and their ability to face challenges in their own life. ​
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In his quest to test this hypothesis, Dr. Duke and a colleague developed a series of twenty questions that would provide a measure of how much a person knows about his or her family’s story. Example questions included: Do you know how your parents met? Do you know where some of your grandparents grew up? Do you know the source of your name? Do you know some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?
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​In the summer of 2001, they asked these twenty questions of the children of almost fifty families and then compared the results to data from other psychological tests the children had taken. They were astonished by how clearly the data proved their hypothesis to be true. ​
As stated in the New York Times article, "The more children knew about their family's history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successful they believed their families functioned. The Do You Know? scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children's emotional health and happiness."

Just a few months after completing this research, the attacks of 9/11 occurred. Dr. Duke and his colleague followed up with their research subjects and again saw that the children with the most knowledge of their family's history tended to be more resilient to the stress created by this horrific event.
Why does knowledge of one's family history make such a difference? Dr. Duke believes it contributes to a child's sense of belonging, of being part of a larger family, and of understanding through their own family's narrative that everyone has setbacks. Knowing their family history helps children realize they are part of something bigger than themselves - and that realization, it turns out, helps them lead happier, healthier, more resilient lives.
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To be a person is to have a story to tell.
​​~Isak Denison
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Why I'm Launching "Your Story Unfolded"

1/13/2017

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 “Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?” Were you ever asked that question in a job interview? I was. And I can assure you that my answer was never, “I plan to launch a business as a personal historian.” But here I am … on the precipice of a new unknown … glancing at corporate America in my rearview mirror while turning my gaze forward to the rich world of story, family history, relationship, and legacy. 
​The idea for this business began germinating several years ago, not because of any deep understanding of the importance of capturing family stories, but more from an innate love of listening and writing, a desire to know what other people think and feel, a curiosity about where people come from, why they do what they do, and how they end up where they are. And somewhere inside, I think I instinctively understand how important it is for our stories to be told, especially to our loved ones.
I regret that these musings didn’t strike sooner, before my grandmother passed away. She’s the only grandparent I ever knew. The others died before I was born or when I was quite young. But Granny was very present in my life, living just down the street from my childhood home, in the same house where she raised my mother and my uncle (mostly as a single mother because her husband died at age 44). Born in 1902, Granny lived almost 102 years. What changes she saw in her lifetime! I wish I had asked her more questions. I wish I had recorded interviews with her so I could hear her voice now. I wish I knew more about how she felt about things – her small-town life, motherhood, the hardships of being widowed so young, the societal changes happening all around her, growing older.
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Granny on her Wedding Day
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My Dad as a Young Child
And then … just three and a half years ago, my father died rather suddenly and unexpectedly. Luckily he is featured in many of our family videos. We also have a beautiful recorded interview with him that my daughter conducted years ago for an elementary school project. So I can see him and hear his voice. But I don’t have his full story. I don’t know the details of his childhood or his college days or his two years as an officer in the Navy – just the bits and pieces I can remember and that my mother tells me. How will my daughter remember his story, and how will any children she may have know who their great-grandfather was?
Our stories matter. They matter to us and to the people who love us. There is growing research that indicates the sharing of one’s story and learning the details of our family’s past is beneficial to our physical and mental health. I’ll be discussing some of this research in future posts. But for now, I’ll stop here with an encouragement to capture your loved one’s stories, thoughts, and memories while they are still here with you. Whether you tackle this project yourself or hire someone like me to help, the important thing is to do it.
Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die,
we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.
~ Sue Monk Kidd
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    ​Author

    ​Hi. My name is Kathryn Elizabeth Wilson Englert. People call me Kathy.

    ​
     I live in Seattle, Washington with my husband and daughter, but our daughter is all grown up now and attends Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington. We miss her.

    Although I live in the Pacific Northwest and absolutely love it here, my roots are in North Carolina. There are things I miss about the South (a warm ocean, the sound of cicadas, dramatic thunderstorms, BBQ and sweet iced tea, and, of course, my family) and I get to enjoy all of these when I visit each summer. But the Pacific Northwest is home to me now. Its mountains, rivers, evergreens, wild coast, progressive ideals, and people have endeared me to this place. I think I'll stay a while.

    I hope you enjoy my blog. In keeping with the theme of personal history, I write about the importance of story and why it matters that we capture the thoughts and memories of our loved ones. ​

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